Immuno-(im?)(de?)(sup?)pressed

I spent the night at House O’ Jester and UMB Saturday night because we had to some recording in afternoon and I had rehearsal up that way on Sunday. I didn’t want to make the drive twice in one weekend because, in case you hadn’t notice, gas is starting to get expensive.

The Jester family keeps strange hours, so waking up in the Jesterhouse anytime before 1pm usually means alone time. Well, that is except for the animals…of which there are many. Birds, dogs, cats (notice all the pluralities), a snake… who knows what else lurks. With me bringing my two dogs it’s quite the zoo. Rather than passing out feed pellets like you do at most petting zoos, I opted for spending my quiet morning sitting on the couch to play Breakout on my Blackberry, to follow the post-Tequilacon tweets, and to follow baseball scores on the computer as they updated.

It was relaxing and peaceful….well…except for Ndugu, Jester’s African Grey. Ndugu spent the morning chastising the dogs for their bad behavior. When the dogs barked or scratched at the door, Ndugu would say “Stop it!” or “No Echo (Echo is a Jesterhouse dog)”. I could not help but feel that sometimes he was telling me to stop it, but I wasn’t doing anything, so I just kept not doing whatever it was. Also, Ndugu has nasty cough, which he apparently learned from Jester during is incredibly long sickness. Ndugu’s phlegm filled mimic is a good reminder why you should take your Vitamin C and see a doctor regularly.

The afternoon was spent at rehearsal and then we went to dinner where we all realized some strange occurrences from the past few days and had a dining out experience that can only be described as a complete breakdown of the kitchen-to-table food delivery sequence. I am going to share these things separately because when told in one story it gets a little too tangential.

Firstly, the strange realizations:

• Jester, Umb, and Celeste went out Friday night to a Mexican restaurant. The place that night reminded them of a similar restaurant back home in Missouruh called Margaritas. Also, they had recently been spending time watching TV shows about and generally discussing tornadoes. Upon Celeste’s arrival at our Sunday night dinner, she announced that she had just found out Margaritas had very recently been destroyed by a tornado. Weird, no? Wait…
• Saturday night Jester, Umb, and I (without Celeste) went to Denny’s and as part of my breakfast-for-midnight-snack I ordered with my meal an English muffin. The English muffin at one point became a focus of the conversation and English muffins in general were discussed at length. Jester explained that he loved English muffins when he was younger, but hadn’t eaten them in years as a result of getting sick of them working at a McDonald’s and partaking in a few too many McMuffins. Sunday morning as I was listening to Ndugu and trying not to catch his cold, Celeste came back from the grocery store with some bacon (go bacon!) and, clear out of the blue, a great big huge-ass package of English muffins (she wasn’t there for our discussion). Weird, no? Wait…
• At dinner Sunday night, we spend a decent amount of time discussing the untimely and mysterious death of a recent twitter friend @rbta. None of us knew her well, but we had met her when she had showed up to see our band play, so we have this small connection to her. Jester had received an email that morning with some details form the Coroner report which, with the estimated time of her death, the currents of San Francisco Bay, and where her body had been found floating, indicated that she had most likely jumped or fell from the Golden Gate Bridge. The silence at the end of our discussion allowed us to hear the song playing on the restaurant’s sound system. It was Ode To Billie Joe (in which Billie Joe McCallister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge). This time I don’t even need your confirmation…it was weird.

Now for the dinner and everything that went wrong…

• Jester & Umb ordered plain iced tea. Both received raspberry iced tea.
• I ordered a side order cup of soup and a small Taco Salad (a la carte), but I was asked what side I wanted. You know…mashed potatoes? Cole slaw? Baked beans? WITH MY SALAD? It confused me.
• As my side I originally ordered onion rings and after everyone else ordered I decided I wanted to switch cottage cheese. When my order showed up it was with a plate of onion rings and no cottage cheese.
• After the waiter took our order to the kitchen, he returned to ask me what kind of dressing I wanted on my taco salad. Again I was confused, I always figured it would be a house dressing made specifically for the taco salad. You know? That orange, spicy, creamy dressing that comes with every single taco salad I’ve ever had? I never even consider other options. French? No. Italian Vinaigrette? No. Blue Cheese? Hell no! What the hell goes on taco salad? I settled on bacon ranch, but I was still confused.
• Jester and Umb ordered salads and did not receive any before the entree showed up. The waitresses half-ass solution was to give them salads they could take home with them after the meal. Puzzled by the solution, Jester answered “I guess?”. She said that we were to let her know when we were ready to leave and confirmed that both salads were to have Blue Cheese dressing.
• Also when the entrees showed up, my small taco salad was equal to the combined mass of three human heads. And not small ones. The salad was anything but small. I, again confused, asked if this was really a small. Mind you I wasn’t complaining about the overage, I just didn’t want to pay for a large if they made that size by mistake. She assured me it was a small taco salad.
• During our meal, it became apparent that not all of the salmon that Umb ordered was indeed salmon. One piece was halibut or some other NOT orange fish. But…they had all obviously been cooked together in the same pan. We were baffled how the cook could mistake whatever white fish ended up on the plate with salmon. How…even if you don’t know what salmon is…end up with two different kinds of fish which are OBVIOUSLY not the same color…even more so before they were cooked than after. Michael chose not to openly complain about it.
• When the check showed up. I was charged for a LARGE taco salad even though I ordered and confirm after receipt a small taco salad. But since I wasn’t charged for my soup, received two sides (onion rings and cottage cheese) which I did not deserve one of those (the onion rings) being one I didn’t even officially order, I decided not to bitch about being charged a dollar extra for the salad. At this point it was just funny to all of us, we were all sort of lightly giggling over the whole thing WHEN…
• The waitress came by to explain that they ran out of blue cheese for the to go salads (which weren’t even really meant to be “to go”.

At this point I broke out in a mad fit of laughter right in front of the waitress. She was obviously embarrassed, but I couldn’t contain myself as every single part of the dinner had failed from drink deliver to billing.

Have a great week!